I have not posted in a long time. A very long time.
As you can see with this new (and temporary) address, I am making some changes to Pondering Jane. There are lots of reasons, none of which are interesting. I was reminded recently that sometimes you have to let your visions of things go in order to discover what is really supposed to be. And the vision that I had for Pondering Jane wasn’t working. So finally, I am letting go of it to see where PJ ends up.
I am trying to apply this concept to all aspects of my life, and the photo above is evidence. This is how Owen and Sydney attended one of our Thanksgiving get togethers. It was with close family, so I knew we would not be judged. Too harshly. Owen wanted to wear his swim shirt, and as as soon as she heard her big brothers wishes, Sydney needed to do the same.
So I let them.
It was tough for me to get over some embarrassment. I try to make sure that my children look “nice.” Clearly, swimsuits in November and as dinner wear would not meet that criteria. But Owen was a superhero, and Sydney was pretending to go to the beach. They had so much fun getting into costume and were so happy leaving our house dressed as they were. And I realized that this is how they look most beautiful.
I thought that letting go might mean feeling a sense of loss. Instead I am experiencing more happiness and feelings of calm. This of course translates directly to my family unit and is changing our course significantly.
I am learning to let go of expectations and notions that have put into my mind by others. I am giving up my own preconceived visions of what my children’s childhoods should look like, and learning about who they are instead. It is a strange journey for me, and at times I feel uncertain, and a little lonely.
But slowly, I am finding myself surrounded with wonderful people who are opening my eyes to all sorts of new possibilities. In letting go, I am gaining so much. And so are my children. Instead of a sense of loss I am filled with excitement, gratitude and endless possibilities.
And it feels really, really good.